i have been gripped by fear for a lot of issues,
especially the past year,
when a lot of problems really came out to haunt me.
but never has it been so mind consuming.
i got the msg when i was in vivo about my granddad,
and suddenly i was so overwhelmed by the need to
know what happened to my grandad and what was
the situation like at the hospital.
and yet i couldnt get an answer to a single thing
as the doctor is still checking or the reply came
slightly later.
if the reply took long enough i might have slammed
my phone in anger, maybe.
so much that i felt i couldnt focus on anything around me.
even trying to act normal was a struggle.
THANKS PPL FOR TRYING TO HELP TODAY.
i appreciate the effort.
yeh. if i seemed distracted the last part of the day,
i apologize.
thank god i could concentrate for the maths lecture,
but other than that,
my mind was a blank.haha.
couldnt focus properly on what ppl were asking me,
so i had kinda a slower response today.
didnt even have the tolerance to go for jap
and then check out grandad tmr.
even at the hosp i was blanking out.
goodness.
maybe its cause nowadays my grandad's health
hasnt been fantastic, and frequent trips to the doctor
made me worried,
but i couldnt understand why i was so anxious.
this is not the first time my family member is
in a hospital.
the last time i was anxious, sure.
but i wasnt panicking.
this time,
i could feel my inner self severely panicking from vivo,
all the way to sch,
all the way from sch to the hosp.
maybe i wasnt the calm and composed person i once
knew in secondary school,
that could keep things objective.
Not to say that i was cold and unfeeling,
but not to this extend of feeling so handicappped,
losing control of myself.
